Breathe in that atomic fog, dear.
Don’t be embarrassed as we grope your eyebrows.
Let that pride melt under your tongue.
You need to get ready for the clam bake.
Check that beat; check that pressure, under pressure?
We’ll slip you a mickey for that frazzled hair.
Calm the frizz, calm the nerves
Blast the weight, baby, show those curves
Never mind those probes that monitor your every thought,
Steal your identity, remove your blood.
Nitro in your ear and possum nectar in your veins
Will make you pretty,
Match with your botulism pout.
Don’t worry about your husband.
He’ll be so proud of the way you attract those men
With tubes and glue and tape and tenderness.
Wave that ultrasound wand over that gown
To add the final magic touches.
One last blast of nuclear hairspray
Over that gunpowder veil
Will beautify your every orifice
With a faint green mist in all your glowing glory.
One last atomic boost will brighten your eyes,
Allow you to see it all:
Those dynamite deals behind the drapes.
Embrace your date,
Meet your mystery fate.